


Roses on my grave

by aceofhearts88



Category: Dalton Academy Series
Genre: Marcus Holland, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-22
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 14:28:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2655383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aceofhearts88/pseuds/aceofhearts88
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian's stalker takes his first victim and sets a row of consequences into action that no one what have been able to predict and more than one confession gets revealed in the process</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I love them Both

He was already pissed off before the clock had stroke four, the basketball team had cleaned up their things and left the gym hall when Blaine was done with stretching, but there was still no sign of Logan.

Positively convinced the other boy was intent on messing with him again, Blaine stomped back to the locker rooms, where he had spent the half an hour previous to watching the last minutes of basketball training glaring at his exboyfriend and exchanging heated arguments. He had left before any of them could have gone too far.

The room on the right, the bigger one of the locker rooms, was filled with laughter and playful yelling, day students and boarding students relaxing after practice, but he turned left, slamming open the door in hopes of pissing Logan off even more.

In his haste to get some harsh insults together, he didn`t even see the figure at the end of the corridor, black hood pulled over his head, vanishing around the corner. 

"How about his fucking Majesty...", and one step into the locker room, he froze.

It was chaos, benches were turned over and pushed around, clothes were fthrown everywhere, but that wasn`t the worst. 

The worst was the unmoving body lying on the ground.

There was blood everywhere.

Both pant sleeves were ripped open, deep stabs wounds and slashes all over his legs, and the smell of blood assaulted Blaine nose with a revolting smell.

He was wheezing for breath, hands lying helplessly at his side and as Blaine dropped to his knees next to him, held in a fog of shock, his eyes could only see two thirds of the fencing sword protuding from Logans chest.

Blood oozing from the wound in an alarming rate.

Green eyes were wide open, but they didn`t see him, not even after Blaine shakily reached for his hand.

"It`s gonna be okay.", he started whispering, not knowing why he kept silent, green eyes moved around until Blaine leaned over him, "You hear me. It`s gonna be okay, Logan.", he caught the Stuarts gaze, "It`s gonna be okay."

There was a first aid kit by the door and Blaine quickly hurried over to pluck it from the wall, not even thinking anymore when he fell to his knees again by Logans legs. Mechanically opening the box and letting his fingers blindly find the bandages.

And then he is wrapping them around the worst slashes, the heavily bleeding ones on Logans thighs, and he is trying to bite back the panic, to just not think, to just keep working, and when his fingers run out of material, he rips his shirt, using the pieces of fabric to stop the bleeding on Logans right knee.

And it`s only when he can`t do anything more for the wounds that he becomes aware of the croaking breaking voice trying to reach out to him.  
"Shh.", and he is shushing him instantly as he pushed himself over the ground to crawl up to Logans head, taking his hand again, only then noticing his bloody fingertips and nails, whoever had done this to him had not gone away unscathed, "Don`t speak, okay... It`s gonna be okay. I`m gonna get help..."

"No.", Logan croaked out and then a tremor shot through his body and for a moment he snapped his eyes shut, wheezing breaths pulling Blaines heart apart, "Don`t go.", and the begging and the longing in his voice, the fear, the terrified fear in green eyes, it rooted Blaine to the spot, "I... I don`t want to be alone."

"Shh.", he shushed him again, "Okay, okay. I`m staying here.", Blaine let his mind run through his choices, he had left his phone back in Windsor, it had needed to be charged, he doubted that anyone would hear him if he called for help, the basketball team was so loud it would drown every scream. Looking around the room, he spotted Logans Blackberry among the heaps of clothes not far from where he was kneeling.

Reaching out with his hand, he grabbed it and instantly got pulled to the password side.

"What`s the password?"

"Julian`s.... birthday.", Logan started coughing suddenly, interrupted whatever he had wanted to say, and Blaine felt his stomach turn when the blond come up with blood. Quickly but carefully he lifted Logans shoulders and slipped his knees under them, so the other boys head was in his lap, "So I don`t forget.", Logan continued as if nothing had interrupted his words.

Almost punching in the numbers, Blaine called 911, explaining what happened in rushed and stuttering words, and even the calm voice promising him an ambulance would arrive within the next ten minutes did not soothe him.

The panic bubble was close to bursting.

"Don`t stop fighting, okay? Just don`t stop fighting.", he was spluttering nonsense by then, but Logan coughed again and more blood came, he was losing control.

"Blaine... I`m sorry... for being an asshole.", Blaine squeezed his hand, leaning down to place his forehead gently against Logans, he was already turning cold, "I never hated you."  
"I know, okay... I know. I know. It`s okay. Save your strength, there`ll be help soon. You`re gonna be okay.", he was hanging onto his last string of calm.

Until Logans body suddenly convulsed, something similar to an electric shock shooting through his limbs and a strangled scream escaped his tortured lungs.

And for two minutes silence lasted, only Logans shaking gasps breaking the silence in the room.

"Blaine..."  
"I`m here... Right here, you`re not alone."

Logans fingers twitched in his hand and Blaine squeezed again, looking into pained green eyes again, "You have to do... do something for me..."  
"No, whatever it is, you can do it yourself. You`re going to be okay.", but he could see it then, Logan was giving up, he was not believing anymore.  
"Promise me... you have to promise me...", he couldn`t do this, he couldn`t, so he closed his eyes for a moment and then nodded.  
"Julian and Derek... tell them...", he was once again stopped by coughs, painful sobs racking through his body as the pain overpowered him, tears dropped from his eyes, and without really intending to, Blaine dropped Logans phone to the ground and wiped them away, before curling it around the blonds jaw.

"Tell them... tell them I love them both... and...", his body convulsed again, and he coughed up even more blood, staining Blaines hand in it as he continued to hold up his head, "and that I am sorry.", green eyes fluttered again, he could barely look at him anymore, so much strength was it taking from him. Blaine could feel tears falling from his own eyes, a sob threatening to break free, he would not let it happen, he would not loose another friend.  
"I promise... but you have to fight. You have...", but he couldn`t finish his sentence, Logans body went limp in his hands. Green eyes open. Forever unseeing.


	2. Forget-me-nots

The scream ripping through Derek's chest does not only shock him awake, but takes at least half the corridor right along with him. Marcus and Cyrus reached him first, pulling him down into the bed again, holding onto his arms and legs while he fights against invisible enemies, until Julian stumbles into the room and over to the bed in the corner.

Catching Dereks face in both hands, it takes him longer than usual to get his friend back to them, his own eyes bloodshot, red and dark, tired and exhausted, but he knows that Derek looks even worse. So pale, his skin is already sickly looking, his face is drawn, dark bags under his eyes, his hands never stop shaking, but the worst is the look in brown eyes.

Desperate. Hopeless.

The wounds are deeper on the inside, and there was no remedy for that.

Julian doesn't know what to do anymore, there is nothing he can do and it is slowly pulling him apart on the inside. He knows Derek is trying to be strong for him, to be there when the horror and terror finally caught up with him again, for now he is holding onto hope and prayers alone. And every night, every other night it is just too much and Derek breaks, and he screams and fights until the last sound has left his body motionless and completely void of every last resource of energy.

And every single time Julian knows that he is losing more and more of him.

"I got him now, I think you can both go back to bed.", he directs to Marcus and Cyrus once Derek slumps against him, quiet and silent, just as suddenly as the screaming always start, Cyrus immediately nods and already turned around to leave them, but Marcus held his ground. Right next to the bed, one hand still on Dereks arm.

"No."

"Marcus, go! It's alright. There is nothing any of you can do to help us."

There was nothing anyone could do now, nothing else but pray, just like there had been nothing anyone could have done six months ago.

Six months ago, where the world had still been okay. Six months ago, when Julian had been shaking his head behind his hands, trying to keep his chuckles hidden from the two argueing boys on the stairs, where Derek had offered to help Logan, prompting the blond boy to snap back with barely hidden insult. Still on crutches Logan had returned to Dalton, his mood the only thing six feet under as Derek wouldn't stop hovering around and over him like an overbearing motherhen.

Six months ago Julian had finally been able to breathe again, to sleep at night, because with Logan back home in Stuart with them, he had thought things to be finally back on the right path. With his stalker caught and jailed. With his best friend healing and grumbling to himself right across the corridor.

Sometimes you were so blinded by your own happiness, you weren't able to see the real danger right around the corner.

The man who had appeared in Columbus police station two weeks after the attack on Logan in the locker room and had confessed to stabbing and slashing the senator's only son, he had been an imposter. A man with nothing to loose, with terminal cancer who had taken a bribe to fulfill a murder for a desperate and very ill boy.

The real stalker had been one of them. Had been a Dalton boy.

They had thought themselves in safety, their lives had continued and even though Derek had been on his case 24/7 about confessing his feelings to Logan, Julian had kept silent and made the worst mistake of his life.

And now... 

Now their lives were in ruins, and Logan's was hanging on a thread that got thinner and thinner with every passing day.

And when Julian looked up to face Marcus, it was with exhaustion written all over his face, he was already so close to giving up, but he couldn't, because one of them had to hold onto hope, and it wasn't Derek anymore.

"Marcus...", he tried in a quiet voice, but the other boy shook his head immediately and interrupted him.  
"No, I'm not going. I'm not going to look away any longer and pretend that the two of you are not digging yourself an early grave with this.", Julian flinched and Cyrus hissed at his friend, but Marcus held his pokerface and his voice of steel, "Logan is not dead.", his words cut like knives through Julian and even Derek in his arms tensed up, "He is not dead."

It was the way he said it that let Julian blink back at him in silence, he had heard that sentence so many times in the last weeks, from so many different people, and all these times, it had sounded so vaticinal, and the little addition not yet had always swung by in the tone of doctors, teachers, other students. Marcus on the other hand sounded final, stating the truth that yes, Logan wasn't dead. 

Only shot with three bullets into his chest. Only stabbed again with a knive five times in his already damaged leg. 

He wasn't breathing on his own. He had shown no sign of waking up for five weeks.

And all because Julian had been too blind.

"Cyrus, why don't you go and make some coffee. The night is over anyway. And tell those kids lurking in the hallway to either go back to bed or to be quiet in their rooms.", all said without taking his grey eyes away from Julian's sepia ones.  
"Mar..."  
"Go, Cyrus!", mumbling something under his breath Cyrus nevertheless left Dereks room and soon his voice could be heard snapping at the boys in the corridors, Marcus let go of Dereks arm and knelt down on the floor before Julian, "I know that you want to be strong. And I know that you are blaming yourself, but it doesn't bring him back.", and just like that his voice turned into velvet as quickky as it had sharpened before.

And Julian was reminded of the old nickname he had bestowed upon the more interesting people in Stuarts, he had basically been unable to learn names, to connect them with the right faces, some of the boys had been easy, Bailey had been the boy-with-headphones in his head, Thad had been boy-with-stick-up-his-ass, Cyrus had been weird-haircut, but Marcus Holland hadn't earned himself a nickname until he had slammed the door into Charlie Amos face the day Logan had returned to Dalton after the second soloist fiasco.

Julian had been standing with him down in the corridor with the front door, talking about some lab report that had been due the next day, when George had stormed back into the house after prefects meeting, had pushed past them, Charlie Amos hot on his heels, at least until Marcus, having taken one look into his prefects face, had smiled at Julian before stepping over to the front door.  
"You're not welcome here.", he had snapped at his old prefect with a voice that could have cut through steel bridges, and he had slammed the door into the furious boy's face, before turning back to him and asking about where they had been interrupted with a voice that had wrapped him into a warm blanket.

The difference had been so amazing that Julian had needed a moment to catch himself, and from there on until his brain had finally learned his name, Marcus had been velvet-steel.

„Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I haven’t realized by now what doesn’t bring him back?“, Julian was surprised by the anger in his voice, until then he had been convinced that he had taken everything out on Senator Wright and those incapable police officers, and he felt bad for yelling at the one boy who obviously wanted to help them, „What should I do in your opinion, Marcus?“, and when his name was hissed with venom and hatred dripping from rosy lips, both of which weren’t even meant to hit him, Marcus flinched, breaking eye contact with Julian quickly, he got back to his feet to bring some distance between them.

Julian had seen the hurt flash over his fellow housemate’s face and he almost whined, pushing both hands over his face, he chanced a look down to where Derek had curled up on his side again, staring into thin air, probably not even realizing they were still there.

„I’m sorry.“

„Stop apoligising.“

„But I am. I’m sorry, because you’re not the person I should be yelling at.“, Marcus wouldn’t look at him, so Julian got back to his own feet, taking the few steps over to him, „I’m tired and exhausted. I don’t know what to do anymore.“, and Julian let his words slowly fade out and his eyes turned to look at the old picture on Derek’s desk. Happier times, could they ever come back…  
„Fight.“, Marcus whispered into the room and then looked back at him and grey eyes were clouded with something that Julian couldn’t read, but later that look, it would haunt him for many months, „Fight for them! Fly out to New York and fight!“, and a for second it looked as though he wanted to reach out towards the actor, but instead he turned to face Derek.

„Fight for him!“

„How?“, was Julian’s silent and soft reply, what was there to fight for, Logan was dying, Derek had given up, he wasn’t strong enough, he couldn’t do it alone any longer. He knew what Derek’s nightmares made him see, Logan dying in Blaine’s arms in the locker room because no one heard the Windsor’s screams, Logan dying in Julian’s arms after the shooting because the paramedics were too slow, Logan dying all alone in New York without them, how was there a way out of this…   
Derek had always been stronger than him, better, greater, how was Julian supposed to see hope and take courage to continue fighting when he had given up.

„What do I know?“, Marcus got louder and rounded back on him again, „I don’t know the three of you half as good as you know each other, but I have a feeling that Logan wouldn’t stay back and do nothing if the roles were reversed. Logan would fight.“, Julian had to close his eyes for a moment as it cut right through his heart, „He is your best friend.“, Marcus continued nevertheless, „And from where I come from, you fight fort hem, fight to get them back, fight to protect them!“, if Marcus saw the way Julian had flinched at the words best friend, he didn’t show it, instead he kicked the door shut again when someone opened it from the outside, presumbly Cyrus coming back with the coffee, „Fight, Julian! None of you ever shied away from the senator, so why are you obying now of all times? In the one moment that Logan might need you the most.“  
„Why are you getting so invested in this?“

„When I got to Dalton, people told me that your house was your family and your honor, and within the first year I left mine behind, convinced that I would never fit in anywhere, but Stuart caught me. Do you know that it were Logan and Derek who convinced Murdoch to let me change houses, that I could be good for Stuart?“, no, Julian hadn’t known that, Marcus had switched dorms in a time where Julian could have barely cared any less for school and his dorm house, „You’re a Stuart, just like me, and maybe it’s the ghost of Windsor’s spirits in me, but aren’t we supposed to be there for each other? Logan is one of us, he fought for me, and when you fight, I will back you up… We will back you up.“, and though his words fueled a fire in him that Julian had already thought tob e dead, he couldn’t help but think that there was something else behind Marcus’s motives, something that he wasn’t telling him.

"And what then? What if I fly out to New York?", Julian yelled, pushing at Marcus chest until the other boy took a step back, and then the actor only braced his shoulders for attack, "You were here, Marcus! You were here, when John Wright blew up on us. You were the one who jumped into the circle to hold Derek back.", Marcus grimaced in memory, three weeks ago, when Derek had still been on fire all day long, when his patience had been the shortest and he had almost attacked Logan's father, but it had also been the same hour that had broken him into the empty shell he was now.

"You heard him, you saw his face! He forbade us from ever seeing Logan again. He is paying three security agents to watch over Logans room 24 hours a day. He blames me, blames this all on me.", and there the small switch in his head finally broke and Julian pushed the other boy again, until Marcus's back hit the wall, but when he went to punch him, Marcus's stronger hands snapped up and held his fists, "John is blaming this on me. He won't let me see his son because Logan is dying because of me.", and Marcus did the one thing that Julian hadn't expected, raising a hand, he slapped him. 

And everything that had built up, everything that Julian had swallowed down each night to keep Derek from loosing his grip on reality, everything that he had placed into his prayers and hope, it broke from him as the scream ripped itself from his lungs and he fell against the slightly taller boy. His fists punching against his chest as Marcus was too frozen for a second,too shocked about his own actions, but then grey eyes blinked and strong arms came up to pull the actor against him, holding onto him as he screamed and cried.

"Fly to New York, Julian.", he whispered close to the ear surrounded by oak brown hair, "Show the senator what he is up against, make him see that you need to be there for Logan. Fly out and talk to Logan, if only to say goodbye."  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The quiet but steady beeping of the heart monitor echoed around the darkened room, the methodic swushing sound of the ventilator sounding almost like the breeze of wind on the top of a high cliff.

Cables and tubes are everywhere, measuring pulse, heartbeat, oxygen level, blood pressure, movement, everything there could possibly be. But nothing happens, the body lays motionless, so sign of life apart from the steady beeps of the heart monitor.

A white blanket keeps hidden what a knife and a gun had done to skin and muscles, multiple bandages still protecting healing wounds, a cast stabilising a knee whose severed muscle tissue only slowly grew together again.

But deep inside Logan Wright still lived and was already fighting more than anyone expected.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx  
Marcus's phone started buzzing in the middle of Murdochs literature class and everyone froze in mid movement, but for the first time it wasn't because of their teacher's anger unfolding over them, but because they all knew Marcus was the only boy next to Derek with contact to Julian and therefore the only boy with a chance of news about Logan. Even Murdoch stopped at the blackboard with one hand still raised

Grey eyes switched over the display and when the fear crossed over his features, the entire classroom fell into deadly silence, Marcus though raised a shaking hand to take his phone into his hand, thumb already hovering over the accept button.

Stuart's acting prefect looked up then to catch Murdochs stormy and strangely clouded eyes over the distance of four rows, Murdoch quickly nodded to the door, and Marcus didn't hesistate a second and leaped from his seat, rushing from the room, leaving 16 beating hearts with building panic behind.

When he returned five minutes later, stumbling through the door with unstable legs, all looks were on him again within the blink of an eye, and it was Bailey who shakily asked the question that was on all their minds.  
"Is he...?", but he couldn't even really finish it, but not because the horror behind it was too great, but because Marcus started grinning and shook his head, the relief falling from his shoulders visible when his body almost slumped into itself.  
"Awake. Logan woke up."

Murdoch dismissed him from classes immediately and let him and Bailey race up to Stuart and back to where Derek was still only sitting in his dark room, staring at the windows with dull lifeless brown eyes, and without saying a word Bailey would start packing a bag for him, and it would take minutes until Derek would turn his face towards him and open his lips in confusion.  
"What are you doing?"  
"Getting you ready to leave. Marcus is asking the twins for favors now in your name, I'm sure you'll be in New York within the next three hours.", Bailey turned to quickly grin at him and Derek frowned.

"Why would I go to New York?", opening his mouth to reply and explain, Bailey was stopped from doing so , when the door flew open and Marcus hurried into the room, one hand still busy trying to push his sweater into a bag.  
"They'll have the plan ready in twenty minutes, also offered to drive us. Bailey, I'm giving the prefect duties to you as long as we are gone.", the younger boy nodded and zipped up Derek's black travel bag.  
"What is going on?"  
"Logan woke up.", and Derek's brown eyes widened and he jumped to his feet so fast that his head couldn't take the sudden movement and Marcus and Bailey had to race towards him as he crumpled to the floor.

Some hours later they would sit with Julian in the waiting room outside of the intensive care unit, waiting for John to decide if they were allowed to see him.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

During the second drive to the hospital three days later, Dereks phone started ringing and when his voice frantically called out for Julian as a greeting, Marcus had to grip the steering wheel with iron hands to keep his worry from clouding his mind and blinding his vision.

Marcus tries not to listen to their conversation, but Julian is in hysterics and his mind can't do any different than listen while the young actor almost sobbed into his phone, and Derek looked as if his heart was breaking, and then Julian is speaking and time slowed down.  
"I talked to him, he says he is in no pain...", Derek shifted in his seat in obvious discomfort and impatience, and Marcus kept an eye on him, though focusing his main attention on the streets, "D, I told him.", Julians horribly desperate and breaking voice sent an uneasy feeling into his chest, "I told him everything."

"What did you tell him?", later on, no one would know if it was the exhaustion or the worry that had Derek not getting it earlier, but like this Julian took a deep breath.  
"I told Logan that I'm bi.... and that I am in love with him.", and for one boy in the car a whole world started burning, before it was all over.

The truck hit them sideways, one moment silence had reigned in the car, total deadly silence while Julians words still echoed in their ears, and in the next moment both of them were screaming and tires and metal screeched. The last thing Derek saw were the frantic movements of Marcus hands and surprisingly he found himself wondering if death always came this dramatic, and then everything went black.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He gets the call at eight in the evening, when he has just settled down in the living room, and his wife is pale like a ghost as she hands him the phone, his daughter blanched in record time and ran over to fly herself into her mothers arms, he raised the phone to his ear and then the words are just like in the movies.

It came suddenly, they weren't expecting it. They rushed to help and did everything to safe him, but it was too late.

His son was dead.

His beautiful boy had died, and in the end, it wasn't from the broken bones or the collapsed lungs, it wasn't from the bloodloss or the head trauma... in the end, his son had died from a break heart.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"We wouldn't be here without him.", Logan looked up as Julian's quiet voice reached his ears and then quickly over to the simple white headstone again as the look in sepia eyes threatened to pierce right through his heart again, but the actor was right, without him, without the boy with the gentle heart and the warm eyes, they wouldn't be here today and least of all together.  
"Why weren't you at the funeral.", was his answer and the smaller boy came to stand next to him, shoulders tense, back straight, and when he replied it was with barely a whisper.  
"I couldn't think about looking his parents in the eye."

And though Logan kept it to himself and felt bad for even thinking like that, he had to admit to himself that they had probably been quite happy to not see Julian around.

"I killed him, Lo.", Julian whispered in that sad and quiet voice that Logan had come to hate in the last days, it was so different from his usual arrogant self, but then again, it shouldn't have been a surprise, Logan had been with him the day the call had come and he had seen how the guilt had crashed over Julian and had almost burried him under too much pain, but now he snorted.  
"Don't be ridiculous, Jules. It was an accident.", the silence behind him almost made him turn around, but he still couldn't shake the strange feeling that came over him every time he looked into his best friends face now, that bitter beast roaring in his chest, whispering to him in the night.

"But if I hadn't...", Julian broke off when the lump in his throat became too big to speak without croaking, and Logan sighed, shifting his weight onto his good leg, he took both crutches into one hand and pulled Julian closer with an arm around his shoulders, the actor leaned against him, careful and gentle to keep his balance intact, and only then did Logan spot the bouquet of forget-me-nots in Julian's hands.  
"It wasn't your fault, Jules, and we both know he would want you to stop blaming yourself."

The truth was , Julian would still drown himself in his guilt for quite some time and it would take him years to realize that life somtimes didn't care for innocent victims in its plans, but what he came to see was that he would have wanted him to move on. That he would have wanted him to be happy.

And some months after the accident, his mother would come forward with a letter, addressed to Julian and dotted with dried blood on the backside, from where the paramedics had found it in his torn shirt pocket, and one sentence would break him. One sentence would have everything crash down upon him.

The truth is: I love you, Julian, but you are so far out of my reach that I chose to let you go.

And though he would have Logan by his side and in his heart, he would never forget the boy with the voice like velvet and steel.


End file.
